The future

I'm not really sure what the future holds for this foundation. I know personally I have not felt led to pursue action. Its a combination of things really, but most importantly, I just don't fell like this is where God wants me to focus right now. I am not saying that this will never happen, but right now it isn't gaining much steam.

Its has only been a little over two months since we lost Spencer. Some days, it feels like I am doing fine. Other days, I feel like I just left the hospital after watching him take his last breath. God has blessed me with an amazing amount of grace throughout the ordeal. I just wonder when the time will come when I don't think about it everyday. Maybe that day will never come.

I remember one time while he was living with us, my brother Tom was in town for the weekend and April wanted us to put up some Christmas lights. Needless to say, when Tom and I get together for a project, things can get a little out of hand. We threw Spencer in the truck and headed out to the hardware store. $200 dollars worth of lights later we were on our way home. Spencer looked bored all day long watching us string lights. After hours of work we had the most elaborate display of holiday cheer anyone has ever seen, complete with a lit "Rudolph" on the peak of the roof.

Shortly before dark, I took Spencer down to McDonald's and grabbed him a happy meal. When we got home, his eyes went big as bowling balls when he saw all the lights. I threw a heavy jacket on him and we sat across the street in a lawn chair, eating chicken nuggets and staring at the lights. He didn't say a word or even try to get off my lap for about half an hour, a pretty long time for a two year old. About the time numbness set in April came home and was shocked by the amount of lights she saw. Spencer and I just grinned.

Its funny how little things like that stick in my mind about him. He had the best facial expressions of any kid I have ever met. Maybe $200 is a lot to spend on lights. Thinking back now though, it was a small price to pay for the memory that I have of the look on his face when we threw the switch.